I’m published in Nature, field sites in Jamaica

About 5000 miles from here

I’m Mr. Moneypants, with my scholarships and grants

I’ve got funding coming out my rear

Chorus

I’m lucky I’m in grad school

Cause the real world is so hard to take

The snooze button of life

And I hope I’m never awake!

I’ll stop global warming by six in the morning

And save the whales by noon

And all of the while have Al Gore on speed dial

Cause I’m the one who told him the Truth

Chorus

I’m a statistical star, got a black belt in R

With 10 undergrads working for free

From Suzuki to Gould make them all look like fools

Even Darwin cites me!

Chorus

Advisor: You’re a pitiful sight, and you ain’t all that bright

You should give up and work at the mall

Your academic career is eating pizza and beer

You probably won’t publish at all!

But just give us a chance! ‘Cause deep down inside

I swear I got a big heart of gold

I’m a hardworking man--I’ve got a thesis plan!

So come on and let me enrol!

Chorus x2