RECORD ON FRONT PAGE OF INTERVIEW NOTES:

How old are you?
What do you do for a living?
Are you married?  (If no) - Are you currently involved in a romantic or dating relationship?
 (If necessary) - Do you consider this an ongoing relationship?
Do you have any children?  How many?

Family Background

Please describe your family background. The kinds of things I'm interested in are: where you lived, how often you moved, what your parents did for a living, siblings, that sort of thing

If necessary: Did you parents separate or divorce?

Who lived in the household?

Were any other adults central in your upbringing?

Briefly describe what your parents' marital relationship was like when you were young. Was there much conflict?

Were they physically affectionate with one another in front of you?

Briefly describe what kind of a young child you were.

 
Relationship with Parents

I'd like you to describe your relationship with your parents as a child, going back as far as you can.

Which parent were you closest with? Why?

Was each of your parents affectionate? Describe how.

Could you give me some adjectives describing your mother.

Could you give some adjectives describing your father.

Specific memories or incidents to illustrate the adjectives for your mother.

Specific memories or incidents to illustrate the adjectives for your father.

Upsets

If you were unhappy or upset as a child, what would you do? Example. How did your parents respond?

When you were ill or physically hurt?

When you were emotionally hurt? (teasing, conflicts with teachers or siblings)

 Separations

Do you remember the first time you were separated from your parents for any length of time? (e.g. camp, parents' holiday, hospitalization) Explore.

If necessary: How about going to school for the first time?

Or going to college?

As a child, did you ever get lost? How did you react (feelings)? How did your parents react?

Did you ever run away from home? Why? How did your parents react?

Rejection

Did you ever feel rejected by your parents as a child? Describe. How did it feel? What did you do?

If not, did they ever hurt your feelings?

Did your parent realize she/he was rejecting you?

Did you ever feel that you'd disappointed your parents? How did they show their disappointment?

For instance, with regard to grades at school?

Were your parents ever threatening - either jokingly or for discipline?

What did they do for discipline?

What are your feelings now about the discipline you received as a child?

If necessary: As a child, were you ever afraid of either parent?

And what about the opposite? Did you feel loved? Were they proud of you? How was that shown?

Did you feel that they understood you?

Current Relationship with Parents

What is your relationship with your parents like now?

If different, what brought about the change?

How often do you talk to them? Do you talk about personal concerns?

Are there things that it would be hard to talk to them about?

Do you feel that they understand you?

Effects

How do you think your experiences growing up with your family have influenced your relationships with people outside of the family?

Changes

How would you have liked your parents to be different?
How do you think that your parents would have liked you to be different?

Now I'd like to move on and talk about your peer relationships but I'd first like to start with some general questions about how you see yourself in relation to other people.

Personal Information

Compared to other people you know, how emotional would you say you are? Why do you say that? Expression of emotions?

If you do feel unhappy or upset about something, what are you likely to do?

If necessary, are you more likely to go to other people or do you tend to deal with on your own?

How often do you cry? (If prompting, "once a day, every few days..,") What about? More often alone or with others? When cry, with whom?

Friendships

About how many friends do you have? Of those, how many do you consider close friends?

What kinds of things do you do with your friends that have brought you to be close?

If necessary: How often?

Do you discuss personal matters with your close friends? Are there things you wouldn't talk about or that would be difficult to talk about? Example. Why?

In general who tends to organize your get togethers? How do you feel about that?

With your friendships as a whole do you have a sense of who is more involved or invested?

Have you ever had conflicts with your close friends? How do you handle it? What do you do? .
If necessary: Have you ever had your feelings hurt by a close friend? Example

Have there been times when you and F haven't talked to each other?

Have you ever felt torn between your friends and your romantic relationships?

What changes would you like to see in your friendships over time?

When you meet new people do you think they will like you?

How confident are you about making new friends?

Would you consider yourself a generally shy person?

What impression do you think you make on other people?

What impression would you like to make?
 

Romantic Relationships

Now I'd like to spend some time talking about your romantic relationships.

First, what is your sexual orientation or preference? Heterosexual? Gay? Bisexual?

Relationship History

You said you were/were not (refer back to beginning of interview) currently in a romantic relationship

If currently in romantic relationship: How long have you been (married/involved with your current partner?)

Were there any previous serious romantic relationships?

I'd like to first talk briefly about those. Perhaps you could give me brief history of those romantic/sexual involvement's. The kinds of things I am interested in are how long you were together, how serious it was, what were the positives and the negatives of the relationship, what caused you to break up, what was that like, how long were you alone before the next relationship.

If not currently in romantic relationship: Have you been involved in a romantic relationship in the past?

If yes, talk about those (same as above)

If no, move on to Single Questions.

Do you see any patterns across your relationships?

Was there any physical conflict in any of these relationships?

If yes, explore.

Current Relationship

How long have you been together? How long have you been married? dating?

What was your first impression of your husband? partner? dating partner?

Have there been any separations or other involvements since you've been together? Explore.

Briefly describe your relationship in terms of how serious it is, amount of time spent together, whether or not you are sexually involved and whether or not you've considered future plans.

Can you tell me a little about what your relationship is like, what your partner is like?

If necessary: What do you like about your relationship or your partner? What don't you like?

What do you think your partner likes most about you? And least?

If necessary: What would they say? How do you know?

If appropriate: How does your current relationship compare with past ones?

Communication & Support

How comfortable are you discussing personal matters with your partner?

What are some of the topics of conversation you avoid with your partner- because they're awkward to talk about or they lead to disagreements?

How does your partner respond when you would like help or support?

How does your partner respond when you're hurt or sick?

What about emotionally upset? What would you like your partner to do? Example.

If necessary: Do you ever feel your partner is not responsive enough or too responsive?

If necessary: Do you feel comfortable crying in front of your partner? If not, why? How does partner respond?

Can you predict that your partner is going to be there when you need him or her?

How well does your partner understand you?

 Love-worthiness & Trust

Have you ever felt rejected by your partner? Describe.

If necessary: Have you ever had your feelings hurt by your partner?

Have you ever doubted that your partner loves or cares about you? How does P show it?

Have you ever felt neglected by your partner?

Do you say "I love you" to each other? How often?
One more often than the other? Explore as necessary.

Conflict Resolution

How often do you have disagreements or arguments? What about? What happens? Does it get resolved? How?

As necessary: Do you ever have differences of opinion? Movies? Music?

Do you ever wonder if your partner disagrees with you, but doesn't say anything?

How long do you stay angry? Who initiates the arguments and the resolution?

Could you give me an example of a typical conflict and describe how it tends to go.

How does this compare with past relationships?

Have you ever felt afraid of your partner?

How often are you and your partner mean to each other or critical?

If necessary: Have the two of you had any issues about the amount of time you spend together?

If necessary: How do the two of you go about making decisions? Is it mutual?

Sometimes even when couples get along, there are times when they get frustrated and angry and may become physical with one another as they try to settle their differences - things like shoving or pushing the other person, or breaking things, or threatening or hitting the other person. Has this ever happened in your relationship?

If yes, explore.

Physical Relationship

How affectionate are the two of you within the relationship? Is one of you more so than the other? Ever an issue, in private or public?

Do you ever feel that your partner is not warm or affectionate enough?

How do feel about the sexual aspect of your relationship

How do think your partner feels about it?

Is it more important for you or your partner? Explore.

Has that changed over time?

What do you do when your partner initiates sex and you don't feel like it? Vice versa? How often does this happen?

If necessary: Was your partner aware that you didn't feel like having sex?

Have you ever felt pressured by your partner into having sex or engaging in a sexual activity that you didn't feel comfortable with?

Can you give me an example? Explore.

If necessary: What changes would you like to see in your sexual relationship? (to make it more satisfying for you? your partner?)

 Separations

Have you and your partner ever been apart for any length of time? (e.g., holidays, business trips). Explore.

If not, how would you feel if it did happen?

Mutuality

People in relationships commonly report that one partner seems more invested or committed to the relationship? Has this ever been the case in your relationship? If so, describe.

Some people feel concerned about becoming too dependent in a relationship. Is this a concern for you? For your partner?

How jealous or possessive is your partner?

If your partner is jealous, how does it make you feel?

How about you? How jealous or possessive are you?

Explore

Regrets, Break-up

Have you ever thought about separating? When? Why?

If yes, tell me your thoughts about it?

How difficult would it be for you to end this relationship?

If necessary: Have you ever had regrets or doubts about having become involved with (married to) your partner?

If appropriate: How much faith do you have that your relationship will last in the long term?

If it did break up, who do you think would be most likely to initiate a break up?
Why?

If necessary: If you and your partner ever did break up, how difficult do you think it would be for you? And for your partner?

General Evaluation

How would you like to see your relationship change over time?

If necessary: Any changes in the way you relate to your partner? or how your partner relates to you?

If you could have the ideal relationship, how would it differ from your present relationship?

Now I'd like to ask you a few final questions concerning all your relationships (family, friend, peer).

What kinds of changes would you like to see in the way you relate to others?

If necessary: What kinds of changes would you like to see in the way others relate to you?

Is there anything else about your social relationships that we haven't hit upon that seems important?

How did you feel about talking about the kinds of issues we've been talking about in this interview? Are these things that you've talked about with other people?