Weird English

Fractured English from Japan, Hong Kong, and beyond.

Pleasure Vegetable, Japan. As enjoyed by female vegetarians.


	Sign, Shinjuku Station, Tokyo. Please refrain from consuming the table, chairs, and cutlery.

Chocolate Bar, Japan. "Enjoy big pleasure anywhere, anytime." I always yell when I'm enjoying big pleasure.


	Fucku Jewelers, Motomachi, Yokohama, Japan. If you're just looking and have no intention of buying, fucku.


Fuki Fuki House Pole, home improvement centre, Shin Yokohama, Japan. A little fuki fuki always helps takes the drudgery out of a housewife's routine.


	Titty Boo Tower, Shibuya, Tokyo. Nothing livens up a stag party or wedding reception as much as a little bit of titty boo.

Cook Mama, Yoyogi, Tokyo. Cannibals!

Curry Paradise Chicken, Japan. "This curry stimulates the apetite [of cannibals] by the scent of mixed spices giving you a real ethnic taste".

Pot & Pot Curry Restaurant, Shibuya, Tokyo. Forget the Amsterdam coffee houses, you can sample the best weed in Tokyo while you dig into your chicken vindaloo.

Shivered Beef Curry: Japanese boil in the foil pouch curry. I guess keeping the cows out in the cold tenderizes them.

Bichin Restaurant, Hakuraku, Yokohama. Have you tried the bitchin' Kung Pao chicken?

Soft Drink Viking, Bamiyan Chinese Restaurant, Kawasaki. Sven wasn't like the other vikings. He didn't like raping, pillaging and chugging beer. He preferred sipping delicately flavoured Chinese tea and quaffing the occasional diet cola. "Viking" is the Japanese English word for "smorgasbord" and somehow has had it's meaning stretched here from all-you-can-eat buffet to all-you-can-drink coffee, tea, and soft drink bar.

Scandinavia's Smell, Hokuo Bakery, Shinjuku Station, Tokyo. "Since 1979". Yes, all the comforting smells of Scandinavia are here in Tokyo: freshly baked bread, pulp mills, and reindeer.


	Sand Glass Tea, Motomachi, Yokohama, Japan. There's nothing more delicate than a good cup of tea with sand and glass in it.

No Parking, Roppongi, Tokyo. No vehicle will be parked here at any time? I'm tempted to move the sign and park there just to demonstrate the proper use of English modal auxiliaries.


HAC Drug, Motomachi, Yokohama, Japan. Nothing will make you hack and cough more than smoking a pack of non-filter Camels.


	JAIL Plaza, Tokyo. JAL's (Japan Air Lines') new corporate strategy is reflected in their new logo. Cost cutting in-flight meals of bread and water will now be served on all international flights.




All Nippon Airways, (ANAl), Tokyo. The little blue stripe does look a little bit like a lowercase "l". Why get reamed in jail when you can fly anal? Relax, all of our airplanes have been equipped with reclining toilet seatbacks for the ultimate in comfort.

Deli Chocolate, Shibuya, Tokyo.
"Almighty...original creation[s]"...the Genesis of chocolate...simply divine.

Morinaga Fees: Morinaga chocolate "Fees" is a new-type. It's a chef's special! cashewnuts, whipped chocolate, crushtype.

I'm not sure whether this delightful Japanese confection belongs here in Weird English or in the Weird Food area, but with a name like "Fees", you can be certain that it tastes like crap.


	Hot Calpis, Hakone, Japan. It's amazing what you can find in Japanese vending machines. Say it quickly and it sounds remarkably like "Hot Cow Piss".

MINIPLA by Sony Plaza, Yokohama, Japan. Obviously, Sony doesn't consider the term "Nip" to be derogatory. Will JAPan Airlines be next? MINIPLA is a smaller version of Sony Plaza, a store selling various inexpensive items, none of them Sony products.

Lemonerd, Mitsukoshi Department Store, Ginza, Tokyo. If lemonerd is a drink, and lemonerd is the favourite drink of French nerds, then pink lemonerd is the favourite drink of effeminate French nerds.

Defect Scroll Mouse, PC Depot, Shin Yokohama. Yontendo sounds a bit like Nintendo and the logo is also amazingly similar. The Japanese at the bottom of the picture reads "yontendo" and it means something like "how about these four?", referring to the included palm rest, keyboard, speaker, and defective mouse.


	Potato Chips, Japan. 'We always produce "Pepper Cheese Taste" for all customer's smiles. Try and enjoy this adult cheese taste.' They might taste horrible, but try and enjoy them anyway.


	Convenience Store, Yokohama, Japan. Policemen dropping? Who poisoned the donuts?

Subway, Aoyama, Tokyo. The sign reads: "Native Diet << The natural ideal style of eating vegetables". It might be, but they should consider hiring a native English speaker to proofread their signs.


	Very Fried Chicken, Kabukicho, Tokyo, Japan. The place to go when you want your fried chicken black and really extra crispy. Judging from other signs on the restaurant, this might be a Korean fried chicken chain.



Cigarette Liquor, 7-11, Tokyo. In Japan, 7-11s don't sell cigarettes individually, although they do have difficulty mastering countable nouns. Also, people tend to smoke cigarettes, not lick them. Butt lickers might appreciate the sophisticated taste of Morinaga Fees.

Liquors Paradise, Hachinohe, Aomori Prefecture. Liquor is an uncountable noun, but it's nice to know that lickers have their own special place to freely go and lick anyone or anything, anytime. Hachinohe is a small town in northern Japan that was recently connected to the bullet train system in 2002.



Sign, Aomori, Japan. The sign suggests that the store doesn't want customers to open the door, go inside and buy something. The Japanese note under "PLEASE NOT INSIDE" actually requests that customers not bring umbrellas inside the store.


	Hair Styling Gel, Japan. For when you need to keep it wet and hard for a long time.

Free Drink Ticket, Boylston West, Tokyo, Japan. It appears that the proofreader had a few too many free drinks.


Grass Wine, Organic Cafe, Tokyo, Japan. It's the classic R/L problem again. Not only does the Organic Cafe have white and red "Grass Wine" on the menu, but you can also order it by the "Carf".

Challenge safe driving for the 21st century, Tokyo, Japan. If you see anyone driving safely, challenge them on it. The last thing we need are more safe drivers.

Furuta Sequoia: Japanese chocolate bar. The world's only chocolate bar made from ancient redwood timber and milk.

Sign, Taipei, Taiwan. I found this in the covered arcade of the Snake Market, a touristy area where you can eat snake, frog, maybe even dog meat. The sign should read "No taking pictures", unless they mean taking only one picture is forbidden. I took only one, so I guess I'm a rebel.

[Take kind care of flowers. Please don't tread on or pick up.]

Sign, Taipei, Taiwan. This sign is in the garden of the Chiang Kaishek Memorial. The meaning is clear in English, but if they are going to make a few signs, they should at least get one of the hundreds of English teachers in Taipei to proofread them first.

[Very good seafood rest.] Very Good Sea Food Rest.: Kowloon, China.

I found this sign on Nathan Road, where most of the interesting neon signs are.

The English here is a direct translation of the Chinese, and so, reads a bit strangely for the name of a restaurant. The name is more like a description than a name: "Yeah, that place is a very good seafood restaurant." I'm ignoring the splitting of "seafood" into "sea" and "food", and the abbreviation of "restaurant" here. It's a nice sign though.

Lotte Notime: Japanese chewing gum.

No time to brush your teeth? "Power UP" with Lotte's Notime, a toothpaste flavoured chewing gum. "Power UP" unfortunately obscures the the questionable English title: "A tasty breat...for beautiful w..."

Lotte Black Black: Japanese chewing gum. "Lotte's superior ingredients plus unsurpass...give this gum its deliciously refreshing & la..."
"A tasty breath freshening gum for beautiful white teeth". It won't turn your teeth black or anything like that, will it?


	Lion White & White: Japanese toothpaste. Just in case Black Black chewing gum makes your teeth black.

[Please keep clean] Please Keep Clean: from an observation point at The Peak, Hong Kong.

To a native English speaker, the sign asks you to "Keep yourself clean", when "Keep Hong Kong Clean", or "Do Not Litter" is the intent.

Very Good Tailor: Kowloon, China. I found this close to my hotel on Temple Street.

The English here is another awkwardly direct translation of the Chinese: "good good Western-style clothing". It's a good description of a tailor, but it's not a good English name for an establishment.

Note the cute button "o"s.

[Beware of the steps] Beware of the Steps: Hong Kong.

One can only "beware" of animate things, like dogs. The classic beware sign is, of course,"Beware of Dog". This sign hints that the steps will somehow jump out and attack you while you climb them. Since Hong Kong was a former British Colony, a more natural to write this would be to use British English "Mind the steps".

[Peanut Cream Sand Biscuit] Peanut Cream Sand Biscuit: Japan.

Japanese speakers of English believe that "sand" is an English abbreviation for "sandwich". This peanut butter is extra-crunchy.


	Rest Time, Egyptian restaurant, Shibuya, Tokyo. The English reads "rest time" and the Japanese reads "junbichu" or preparation time.


	Sign, curtain shop, Yokohama, Japan. "Reform", here misspelled as "refoam" is an interesting Japanese mis-borrowing from English that has come to mean home renovation in Japan.


	Slap Hair, Yokohama, Japan. In the same building there should be a "Punch Makeup", "Scratch Nail Care", and "Gouge Electrolysis".


Blue Hair, Yokohama, Japan. Seniors' discounts are available.


	HAIR by fabric, Yokohama West Exit, Japan. They apparently are making wigs out of polyester these days.


Hair Way Hair Salon with G King Beauty: Kowloon, Hong Kong, China. The Chinese makes perfect sense, a large "hair way" on the left and a smaller "hair style design" on the right. They pretty much match the English, but who, or what, is "G King Beauty"?