Plot Details: This opinion reveals minor details about the movie''s plot.  
Please note that I do not regularly have my girlfriend shove crutches up my a*s. This refers to an isolated incident of about 3 years ago of joking around with her and a mutual friend where they basically poked at my (clothed) butt with a crutch. They ended up hitting me in the nuts, which, to say the least, was probably better than what the director of this film did to the memory of Dr.Seuss.  
 
Tonight, I feel violated. Yes, even more violated than the incident above made me feel. And I feel more violated for one simple reason above all: I paid to be violated tonight. I paid to be violated by Mike Myers, Bo Welch (director), and Alec Berg, David Mandel, and Jeff Schaffer (the writers). I paid to see one of my most cherished childhood authors, Dr.Seuss, be violated in the most basic sense of the term.  
 
I had such high hopes for this flick (calling this a 'film' would be an insult to true 'films'), and I honestly thought that Myers would be able to bring a spastic, if childlike charm, to the role of The Cat. But there is nothing charming about Myers or his Cat, or this abomination they dare to put Dr. Seuss' name on. Sure, it's all based on characters created by the good doctor years ago, but it all feels like one big bathroom joke that isn't funny in the very least. Hell, I might've laughed more the one time I was forced to sit through Biodome than I laughed at this garbage.  
 
The plot, if one can call it that, revolves around a pair of children, Conrad (Spencer Breslin) and Sally (Dakota Fanning) who are as opposite as opposite can get. Conrad is a little hell raiser, while Sally is the goody two shoes who mommy (Joan, played by Kelly Preston) adores. Alec Baldwin plays a seedy next door neighbor who is dating Joan, and whose one goal in life is seemingly to be as disgusting as possible while making sure Conrad gets shipped off to military school so he can move in.  
 
As mom plans to host a big party at home for her obsessive compulsive neat freak boss (Mr. Humberfloob, played by Sean Hayes), the kids are told not to ruin the house, and are left with a noodling, overweight babysitter who falls asleep faster than Granpa does on The Simpsons. Enter the Cat, who helps to ruin the house, anger the kids, and pull so many shenanigans in one day your head will spin...or hurt.  
 
While the last Dr. Seuss big screen adaptation wasn't anything all that hot either (The Grinch), at least it felt like it had some of that Dr. Seuss heart to it, and Jim Carrey at least brought something to the role that so many thought he didn't belong in.  
 
This however, doesn't work in the least. Myers spends the whole movie acting as if he had 6 too many Jolt colas, and when he isn't completely aping one of his better known characters (i.e. Fat Bastard from the Austin Powers series), his main Cat voice sounds like a mix of Powers and his SNL alter-ego Linda Richman. It's f*cking embarrassing and not the least bit funny. In fact, I found it rather irritating and about 20 minutes after his first appearance, I suddenly longed to be in any other theatre, even if it would have meant seeing the biggest chick flick of all time.  
 
The so-called 'humor,' as mentioned above, is so pandering, so foul, and so UN-SEUSS, that you'll wonder how in the world this ever got the OK from good old Ted's estate (Evidently a few million bucks is worth the price of a man's legacy).  
 
If there is one good thing about this movie, it is that Seuss' legacy lives on in the imaginative, bright, and colorful sets, backgrounds, and costumes (Myers' Cat suit aside). This, along with the two kids' performances, are the only things worthwhile about this movie, and trust me, they aren't even worth the price of a RENTAL, nevermind a full price ticket to a theatre.  
 
I hope Mike Myers is happy with this gigantic piece of donkey crud he dared to make. I hope that Bo Welch gets run out of Hollywood for this. And I hope whoever it is that takes care of Dr.Seuss' estate and actually approved this movie being made and released ends up in the fiery depths of hell.  
 
I didn't think it would be possible for anyone to rip the heart out of a Dr. Seuss book...and just when you didn't think it was possible, along came Hollywood. Yeah folks, I feel violated. Don't let this happen to you. Just go see Elf with Will Ferrell instead.  
 
