(Short story -- Type analysis to follow at end)

" Fragility"

by Susan Barber

There was only one world and it was this world.  He had chosen it to be his because it was the best of all possible worlds.  He was ruler of a place and time, and a benevolent one at that, and his subjects loved him for it.  As a result the kingdom was thriving.  Except for one part.  But, as master of the world, he would labor to rectify things.  Forever hence, his deeds would be celebrated through oral legend, and perhaps memorabilia, by his appreciative heirs.

            With that thought, he turned to hand a napkin to Emma, who was stuffing her mouth with Froot Loops.

            “I do believe Julie is feeling better today,” he said gallantly, indicating with a cereal spoon one of the high chairs.  “But poor Megan appears a wee bit under the weather.”

            Emma commiserated sadly, “Ohh.”  Then she screwed up her four-year-old face.  “Daddy, how shall we tell them apart today?”

            “Mmm.  Well, Julie is wearing the yellow bunny bib, and Megan has the blue bear bib.”

            “Blue bear bib!”  Emma squealed.  “It’s a rhyming day!”

            “Okay! What do you say!”  He beat it out on the table.

            She lifted her arms.  “Hey!”

            “What shall we do to-day!  Eh?!”

            “Oh, Daddy!”  Emma collapsed into giggles.

            The phone rang again and he leaned towards Emma confidentially.  “It’s another Don’t Answer The Phone Day.  We’ll just listen, all right?”

            There had been lots of messages from another world and not answering them was his plan to bring Wendy back to them.  Three times yesterday and already twice today she’d called.  Her tone of voice was changing; priorities were being straightened out.  On his part, he wasn’t going to make the mistake again of taking things out on Emma.  Not the noblest path.

            “Jamie?  Are you there?   Where are you guys?  I’m starting to get worried.  Hey, Emma, at the opening of the conference today they twirled fire batons!   I’m going to get you a Hawaiian grass skirt!  Well… Jamie?   Please pick up.  Well.  Hope you guys are okay.  I guess I’ll try again later.  Mommy loves you!”

            When the machine clicked off they sat a moment.  Then Jamie winked at Emma, stood on his chair and started doing the hula.  Even the twins smiled.

            “Daddy!  Let’s go to the park!”

            “For a lark!  Before it gets dark!  Arrr – my bite is worse than my bark!”  He fell on his knees and started growling and nibbling on her legs as she shrieked.

            They packed up the double stroller, diaper bag, bottles, juice boxes, crackers, carrot sticks, gummy bears, umbrellas, rattles and Barbies; clicked sticks along every picket fence, fed the ducks, petted friendly dogs, ate their snacks under the willow tree, did the swings, slide, and monkey bars, met their neighbor, Serena, on the way home, had a feast of macaroni and cheese for dinner, gave Megan more Tylenol to help her sleep so he could catch a few hours before both twins would be up, and lastly, read Emma a very dramatic version of Morris the Moose.  He fell into bed numb.  It was a good day.

*  *  * 

            “You’re leaving for Hawaii and we don’t have any groceries?   Wendy!  You said you’d stop last night.”

            Wendy was deep in thought, throwing things into her suitcase.  Jamie had been up half the night with Julie who was feverish and vomiting.

            “I have to get out of here in five, count ‘em, five minutes.   Okay?”

            Emma was sliding on the carpet with her feet in her mother’s shoes, humming to herself.  Julie’s wails filled the room.  Both of them winced at the baby.  Jamie’s face hurt he was so tired.

            “You know how hard it is to take them shopping.”

            Wendy put her hands on her head.  “Okay, okay.  I have more important things to do than figure out meal plans.”  She slapped her day planner on top of her skirts.

            “You have better things to do then take care of your family?”

            “Don’t start -- you know what I mean, Jamie.  You forget that my job pays the bills here.  And, if you want to know, there are things just as important as child-rearing.”

            “Oh.  Really.”

            Wendy snatched her shoes and Emma started whining.

            “It’s the least you could do.  You’re going to be scot-free for 8 whole days.”   His head was splitting.  He didn’t hear what Wendy was saying; he just went to get the liquid Tylenol and hoped Julie could keep it down.  In the bathroom he struggled to get the baby syringe down her throat and through the gagging heard the front door close and then the car.  Wendy had left without saying goodbye.

            Fifteen minutes later, when he was giving Megan a bath in the kitchen sink, the answering machine picked up.  A guy from her firm.  “Wendy.   Your cell’s not on.  Can’t get you at the office – have to meet at the airport.   Wait!  Let’s rendezvous at the Skylight Lounge  -- we’ll start the Mai Tai’s then.  Hey-ho!”

            Jamie had all morning to think about that laugh.  The guy, whose name he couldn’t remember, was one of the partners.  Just a collegial laugh.  An Aren’t I So Clever Laugh, Are You Impressed Yet, You Should Be laugh.  God.  It was true they were getting away for a few days.  But by afternoon, the laugh was worrisome.  Wendy was navigating through some serious power struggles, maybe she had to string along, be a good sport.   Shit.  Those big shot lawyers played hardball.  She might not see the danger.  Maybe she was getting into something she couldn’t handle.

            They had dinner watching Barney and by now the laugh was a warning.  He suddenly recalled Wendy hesitating, then wadding up her bathing suit rather quickly and jamming it into her suitcase.  Some conference.  More like a fucking free for all for bored spouses.  When the mouse is away the mouse will play.

            “Goddammit!” He jerked Emma up by the arm and pushed her into the chair.   “That’s the second time today you spilled your milk!  All over the couch!”

            Emma burst into tears and both twins started bawling.  His voice could rattle the picture frames on the walls.

            “Well, what are you waiting for?  Go get the towel!”

            When he cleaned it up he told her to go get her pajamas on; she was going to bed.  The twins were still howling when he put them into the crib.  Megan was too warm.  Now she was getting sick.  Christ.

*  *  * 

            Wendy slipped into bed all fresh and clean and gave him a gleeful hug.   “Isn’t that fantastic news today!   I mean, I was just made junior partner last year.  And they are already sending me to a major conference?  They sure know how to pick the venues. North Maui.  Jamie?”

            He was half asleep.  She rocked him a little.  “Hmmm?  I mean, it’s not like it’s a real vacation.   This presentation is going to be major preparation.  Major stress.   But…Baby?  You’re so tired?”  She rubbed his back but he didn’t move.  “Aww.  We should go on a vacation.”

            He licked his lips.  “I can’t imagine how much more work that would be.”

            Wendy sighed.

            Jamie opened his eyes.  “Maybe we should take separate vacations.  I’m serious.  That way each of us would get a rest.”

            Wendy’s head turned sharply.  “Well, that wouldn’t be a real family holiday, would it?”

            “No, it would be you taking care of the kids on your own so I could have a break.  And, of course, vice versa.”

            She didn’t reply.  Then she flipped off the light and rolled over.

*  *  * 

            Serena’s little boy, Roger, was exactly the same age as Emma, both three and a half now, and they got along well together.  Roger also had a one and a half year old sister.  It wouldn’t be long until all the kids could play together.  For this reason, the families had become close because they were so happy to have such a nice playmates for their children.

            Serena and Phil invited Jamie and Wendy over for a little shower.  When Jamie came in, one twin in a front carrier, the other in a carry-all, Serena exclaimed, “Oh, look, Phil, they’re so precious!”  

“Don’t go getting any ideas!”  Phil whinnied.   “We’re finished!” 

Serena ignored him and helped Jamie off with the Snugglie as he did for her when she came over to visit.   They worked well in tandem and covered for each other when emergencies came up.  As Serena gently set Megan down on the couch, carefully banking her up with pillows, she asked Jamie in a low voice, “So, how’s she doing?”

            “Better than the last time, that’s for certain.”

            “No depression?”

            “None.  The C-section might have made a difference.”

            Serena went over to Wendy then and hugged her, getting her settled with her feet up on a stool.  Wendy chortled at the pampering and said the best thing for her was a big glass of wine.

            Serena covered her mouth with her hand.  “Oh! I forgot you’re not breastfeeding!  Of course!”  She fluffed up Emma’s hair and said, “Honey, you can go upstairs to play in Roger’s room if you like.  Roger!”

            Phil motioned Jamie over to the computer.  “Have you seen the new website for tracking your financial investments?”  Phil worked as a consultant for a stock brokerage.

            Jamie laughed.  “I don’t think I’ve looked at a computer for three and a half years.”

            Phil knitted his brow.  “But you used to be in banking, right?”

            “Oh, god.  That was so long ago.”  Jamie was monitoring the twins closely out of the corner of his eye.  Serena was there.  “I was never much more than a teller really.”

            “Aren’t you going back?”

            “We’ll have to see.”

            “Say, we should go out some weekend.  Are you up for that?”

            “That would be a little hard right now, Phil.” 

“Jeez,” Phil said, and took a big drink.

Jamie tried to hide his amusement.  Serena was watching them and then she smiled at Wendy, saying, “I felt so isolated after Roger was born, really low.  You just don’t have time to catch your breath.  But that was all before you guys moved in!”  She nodded to include the men.  “Jamie is just so upbeat.  He keeps everybody laughing.”

Phil said, “Roger tells us that, ‘Emma is my best friend and Jamie is Mommy’s best friend’.”

Wendy groaned.  “My husband has become so silly.  You never used to be this silly!  Now it’s as though he’s got permission.  Look at you, dear!    You need a haircut.  Shaggy!  I tell my clients I won’t represent them unless they look neat.  If they only knew.  Shaggy!” She said louder.

“Shhh!”  Jamie scolded her.

            “Jesus.” Phil said.

            Jamie asked, “What?”

            “Nothing.”

“Oh! You need more wine.”  They watched Serena take the empty glass into the kitchen.

Phil urged Jamie, “C’mon now, a game of golf would do you good.  Change of scene.  You could manage one Saturday, couldn’t you?”

            “Wendy works Saturdays.  They expect her to spend about 80 hours a week – I guess to prove she can handle the load if she is to be made a partner.”

            “Well, one day in a month won’t hurt.  Get a babysitter if you have to.  You need to get out, man.”  Phil clapped him on the shoulder.

            “Honestly, I wouldn’t feel good about leaving the twins with a sitter.  They’re just too small right now.”

            “Jesus.”  Phil rubbed his hand over his forehead.

            “What?”

            “Well, don’t be offended but you sound like my wife.”

            Jamie shrugged.  The only thing he was listening to were the sounds coming through the floor from upstairs.  They were jumping off the bed.  He rolled his eyes at Serena.

            Phil raised his chin.  “Hell, Jamie.  I mean, I do respect you for bucking the trend, doing the equal Mr. Mom thing and all, but you have a choice these days.  Man, I look forward to going to work.”

            Jamie grinned.  The ritual attempt at bonding never worked too well.  Soon he’d be joking with Serena, and Phil would engage Wendy in deep discussion, and all would be as per usual.  The stay-at-homes had to physically slave 24/7 but could be crazy and creative, while the spouses had to wrestle with their mythological demons all day but were getting the rewards they needed and stashing away the golden coins.  As far as Jamie could see, everybody was doing what he or she wanted.  He said to Phil, “I’m absolutely fine with all this.”

            “Hey, and I do think that’s terrific.”

*  *  * 

            “Emma Bemma Bo Bemma, Fee Fie Fo Femma – Emma!”  They sang.  Half the toddlers in the neighborhood were sitting on Jamie’s kitchen floor, banging out the beat on a full assortment of upturned pots, pans, lids and langoustino steamers.

            “Oh hi, Wendy,” Serena called out loudly.  She could see Wendy’s face and nobody else could.  Serena was painfully conscious they were having too much fun.

            “What a racket!  I could hear you from the street,” Wendy said, moving her girth around the chairs.

            “My queen and valiant lady,” Jamie said with a flourish.  “Returned from the battlefield.  Welcome to Music Day!”

            Emma saw her and shouted, “Mommy!”

            Then the others took it as a cue, “Mommy Bommy Bo Bommy…”

            “STOP, will you?!  Oh god, I’m going upstairs.  I can’t hear myself think.  Call me when dinner is ready.”

            Serena quickly packed up the kids and shooed them out the door.  Over her shoulder she said to Jamie, “She must feel terrible with all that weight on.”

*  *  * 

            “Jamie?  Sweetie?  I just came out of the doctor’s.  God.  It’s what I suspected.”

            He could hear her sniffing.  He waited.

            “But, he says… it’s twins!  I’m two months along.  Oh, baby, what are we gonna do?”

            He breathed into the receiver and considered this.

            She was weeping now.  “I just got assigned to this huge case – it’s a landmark case – everything I’ve worked for.  I know this is my chance.  If I have to tell them I can’t finish it….” Her voice trailed off.

            “Well, don’t tell them that.  You’ll finish it.  We’ll manage.   Somehow.  Look, they have children, don’t they?

            “Ha!  Like they’re almost-dead white males.  They never took off work to have kids.  The firm says they have maternity leave, but it’s unofficially frowned upon.  God, I hate them!  They have stay at home wives who organize their lives so they don’t miss a beat.  These guys have all the benefits of a home and – “

            “Well, that’s what you have don’t you?”

            He listened to her breathe in.

            “Yes,” she said evenly.  “But these guys are not working while they’re nauseous, exhausted, irritable, with backaches, indigestion – you name it.”

            “That’s true.  It will be harder for you.  But not impossible.”

            “Oh god, so you don’t mind?

            He smiled at Emma, curled up under her rocking horse, pushing carrot sticks into its mouth and cooing.  He said, “Twins, huh?  That’s a new wrinkle in the tale.”

*  *  * 

            He bumped into the doorframe as he entered the suite and that’s when he realized he still had sweats on with a crusty yellow stain on his shoulder.  He blinked at the gold clock on his boss’s wall and had to concentrate to determine if it was 5 am or 5 pm.

            Clive swept in and thrust out a hand to congratulate him.  Jamie instinctively gave his hand a sniff before he shook Clive’s hand. 

            Clive gave a nervous laugh.  “I wouldn’t know from experience but I hear a new baby just throws your life into an absolute whirl.”

            Jamie couldn’t imagine Clive’s manicured nails and rose-colored shirtsleeves lathered in baby poo.  He felt kind of heroic.

            Choosing his words with care, he rested his elbows on his knees.  “Wendy’s suffering from the worst kind of post-natal depression the doctor’s ever seen.  I’m taking care of both she and Emma.  I want to tell you how much I’ve appreciated this month’s leave, but I won’t be coming back for a while, Clive.”

            “Oh. Oh!  But we don’t have paternity leave.”

            “I know that.”

            “Maybe we ought to.”

            Jamie relished the thought of not having to go back to Clive clickety-clacking on his smart heels behind the wickets all day.  He was the bitchiest with the male tellers and the only way to relate to him was by talking about their common theatre interests, although even those only went so far.   Jamie didn’t think he could listen to another of Clive’s revue descriptions.  Not only that, Jamie felt like he was escaping time.  Time no longer meant anything to him.  Not entirely a bad thing to command your own day.  He thanked Clive and stood up unsteadily.

            “We’ll miss you, Jamie,”  Clive added sincerely.  “Very much.   I think everyone is a bit in love with you.   The tellers always talk about how much time you spend with people.  And how much fun you made it.  If you weren't straight I'd think you were gay.

*  *  * 

            Professor Hargreaves leaned over her lectern and boomed at them in a voice that had taken on its usual edge towards the last few minutes of class.  In less than two weeks Jamie would be graduating and then it was good-sweet-bye to academia.  He told himself Professor Hargreaves was to be midwife of his final birth into the real world.  It might be painful, but there was no going back.  No, he had to figure out what he was going to do and soon.   He sat up and tried to listen to the summary.  

“By the end of the early Neolithic Age we believe a division of labor occurred.  Men were primarily the hunters, expending large amounts of energy in cooperating in the chase and kill, but these days numbered only a few per year.   A considerable amount of time was spent at rest.  Women, on the other hand, were the first gatherers, remaining close to a permanent home that was favorable to sources of edible plants and fruit.  We suspect this is how farming began.  Women, with their sustained level of daily labor – although not equal to the great hunting events – nevertheless expended 20 times more the amount of energy than the men on average over a year.”  She added sarcastically,  “Things haven’t changed very much in 20,000 years, have they ladies and gentlemen?”

            “Holy shit, could you imagine living in a cave with her?”  Len Adderson kicked Jamie under the desk.  “I’d rather get my balls eaten off by a saber-toothed tiger.”

            The girl in front of them turned around and scowled.

            “Did you have something to say, young man?”  The prof was looking at Jamie, not Len.

            “Me?  Oh, no.”

            Len was killing himself and punched Jamie in the arm.

            The prof moved around the lectern, keeping her yellow eyes on Jamie.   “Perhaps you think today women should still be kept in their houses, tied to home and hearth while men are free to advance their interests out in the world?”

            Jamie swallowed.  “No, professor.  In fact, my mother went to work when my father died and she had a very successful career.  It should be what every individual wants, right?”

            The prof read the hands on the clock and nodded at the class.  En masse they stood and stretched. The girl in front turned to face Jamie,  “You don’t really believe that.  You’re just sucking up.”

            Len Adderson rolled his eyes and mouthed, Look out! as he backed away.

            Jamie smiled at her and said, “Hey, I took care of my two younger siblings when we were kids.  I can cook, clean and sew Halloween costumes.  How about you?”

            “I’m going to law school,” she said.

*  *  * 

            Jamie pulled Josh and Mary onto the creaky porch swing and held them as close as his eleven-year-old arms would allow.  He told Mary that he could help her stop crying if she would just listen for a spell.

            “Once upon a time there was a great and beautiful queen, named Matilda.  The king had died and so the queen and her children lived alone in a splendid castle made of glass.   Each day the Queen had to go out and inspect every square mile of her kingdom to make sure there were no wolves or robbers trespassing on the land.  Every morning she went to the armory and took down her sword and ax.  Before she left, she told her wonderful children, ‘You must stay inside this beautiful world of glass, learn as much as you can and most of all, laugh, or the glass will shatter and all will be lost.’ 

            Some days they could hear the sounds of wolves growling fiercely or swords clashing and angry voices.  Their mother often came home bloodied and bruised, but when she saw the great glass palace intact, she knew that all was well.

            One day when their mother was out, the children heard a strange sound in the castle.  They were very much afraid because in the past, they had only heard this sound outside.  Remembering to smile and keep his voice light, the elder brother said, ‘Let’s play hide and seek.  But first we will choose our weapons.  Now, the eldest boy could already swing a small sword, his younger eight-year-old brother could handle a jewel-crusted knife and their sister, who was only four, could carry her mother’s engraved shield.  They smiled grimly as the growling grew louder.  They reminded one another that their mother would be happy, and therefore they would be happy, if they killed the wolf.  They dodged and hid among the towering glass columns, darting through rainbows and prisms of light.   Each wondered if it would be the last time any of them would see the sun’s dazzling colors playing upon their faces.  Then the wolf was there before them, leaping out, fangs snapping at the air.  ‘Ha, ha!’ cried the older boy.  ‘Blind him with your shield!’  And his sister caught the sun and directed it into the wolf’s eyes.  In a second the boys attacked from either side and a tornado of fur and metal swept across the floor.  They were nearly pinned under the monster’s terrible paws when their mother appeared.  Horrified by what she saw, she stopped cold in her tracks.  The little sister, remembering, called, ‘Mother! Look!   We are learning to fight while playing with the big dog!’  At that instant, the boys ran the wolf through with their blades and their mother lopped off its head for good measure.

            As they all sat on the floor panting, the light in the castle suddenly began to change; the glass became hard and more solid, and diamond sunbeams shot in every direction.  Their mother cried for joy and told them the prophecy had come true – that if her children grew wise and strong and remembered always to guard their happiness together, nothing could ever shatter their world again.

The End