Acquaintance Sexual Assault
Acquaintance Sexual Assault is non-consensual sexual behaviour between adults who know each other. It includes intercourse, touching breasts and/or buttocks, kissing or holding against a person’s will. Sexual assault may be imposed through verbal coercion, intimidation, physical restraint or threats. It does not have to be violent or result in physical injury to qualify as sexual assault.
The relationship could be casual, platonic, dating, professional, academic or familial. Without consent, sexual behaviour is not romance; it is dominance and humiliation. Sexual assault by an acquaintance is no less traumatic than sexual assault by a stranger.
The Violence Against Women Survey (Statistics Canada, 1993) of women in Canada found that 89% of sexual assault victims in BC were attacked by someone known to them.
This type of assault occurs more frequently among university-aged students than any other group. Alcohol and other drugs, misinterpreted signals, and unjustified assumptions contribute to many of the assaults that happen on Campus.
Incidence
It is difficult to estimate the number of women from the SFU community who are sexually assaulted each year. Sexual assault is one if the most under reported crimes; official statistics from law enforcement agencies are not reliable.
Men who commit acquaintance sexual assault often don’t believe they have done anything wrong. In the majority of incidents involving unwanted sexual play, attempted intercourse, and intercourse, SFU women students reported they were "overwhelmed by a man’s arguments and pressure."
Alcohol and drugs were involved in a large percentage of unwanted sexual experiences.
Many times victims don’t seek help or tell anyone about the assault, and therefore deal with the trauma and psychological effects without any support. Acquaintance sexual assault remains largely hidden because few people identify it as a crime, punishable by law.
Intimate Relationships
Communication is the key to any successful relationship. Make sure you are direct and honest. Don’t blame or speak for other people. Don’t assume people will know how you feel.
• Be clear and assertive about your sexual desires and limits. Practice saying "no" firmly and directly – and repeatedly. Be prepared to leave.
• Establish your rights over your own body. Sex is not a game of barter. You have the right to decide when to stop regardless of money spent or previous sexual behaviour.
• Be aware of your surroundings.
• Be conscious of your nonverbal messages. Match your actions with your intentions.
• Refrain from excessive use of alcohol and other drugs.
Tips for Women
• Be assertive. It is your body; no one has the right to force you to do anything you do not want to do. Many women have difficulty confronting coercive behaviour because they have been socialized to be ‘polite’ and to be unaware of their sexuality. Even if you wish for approval or want to be liked, don’t let these wishes outweigh the facts that your boundaries are being violated and the man is being aggressive . If you do not want to be touched, say so. If he does not respect this, you always have the right to leave. Remember, communicate your feelings clearly and overtly.
• Know that alcohol and drugs are often related to Acquaintance Sexual Assault. The use of drugs and alcohol compromises your ability to make responsible decisions, and may put you at risk.
• Trust your intuition and feelings. If you feel you are in a dangerous situation or that you are being pressured , you are probably right. If you are nervous about someone’s behaviour or you feel threatened, leave immediately.
• Lesbian-identified women are susceptible to anti-women violence that is motivated by homophobia as well as misogyny. Studies conducted in the U.S. indicate that lesbian women report disproportionate victimization in non-lesbian-identified public areas; this suggests that many perpetrators may be acquainted with their victims.
• Anti-women violence is further complicated by issues of race. First Nations women are victims of hostility and violence inflamed by misogyny, racism and colonization. Research indicates that First Nations women face far greater risks of violence than non-aboriginal women.
• Women with disabilities are particularly vulnerable to violence and abuse. Negative social stereotypes and attitudes, depending on others for assistance, social isolation and poverty increase these risks.
Tips for Men
• Never assume that you know what she really wants.
• Mere silence or a lack of resistance to sexual contact cannot be equated with consent.
• Only ‘yes’ means yes…make sure your partner explicitly agrees.
• It is never OK to force sex on someone – even if she says "no" and you think she means "yes", you have had sexual contact with her before, she "teases" you, dresses provocatively, or "leads you on".
• If you paid for dinner all you paid for was food.
• Listen to and respect her. If you are getting a double message from someone, speak up and clarify the message. If she says ‘no’, back off, and suggest talking.
• Separate desire from action. Sexual excitement does not justify forced sex. Desires may be beyond your control but actions are within your control. If you feel that a situation is getting out of hand, you can always leave.
• Recognize that being drunk is no excuse. You are responsible for your actions whether or not you are sober. If she is drunk, help her, do not take advantage of her. If she has passed out, or is not able to control herself, it is a crime to have sex with her.
• Safety can be more of a problem for men who are gay, disabled or who may be identified as members of a visible minority. Studies conducted in the U.S. show that gay men report disproportionate victimization in gay-identified areas.
• Many men worry about the safety of women. For example one male student reported that he would be very concerned if his girlfriend went out alone on campus after dark.
• Men are often aware of safety concerns because they realize that women may be threatened by their presence. For example, one male student said, "As a man, I am uncomfortable on campus because I am rightfully the target of many suspicious and frightened looks."
Sexual Assault
Assault is the intentional use of force against another person without that person’s consent. A sexual assault may include someone kissing, touching, or having sexual intercourse with you without your consent. It can be your lover, husband, employer, co-worker, acquaintance, friend, professor or stranger.
Of adult women in Canada, 39% will likely be sexually assaulted at some point in their lives. A large proportion (40%) of incidents involve women between the ages of 18 and 24.
Know the Facts
Sexual assault is a crime acted out in a sexual way. Power and control are the motives of this crime. Sexual assault is not a crime of passion.
Most offenders appear normal, and are known to the victim (89% of victims in BC knew their assailants).
Women of every shape, size, and age have been sexually assaulted.
Any person, regardless of the relationship to the victim, can be charged for sexual assault. A sexual assault committed by a husband, boyfriend, brother, or father is a crime.
Studies of offenders show that most assaults are planned; the victim’s dress or lifestyle have nothing to do with the offender’s actions. Women who are assaulted don’t "ask for it", either by their dress or lifestyle.
A significant number occur in a home (her home, 15% ; his home, 11%) or a vehicle (11%); many occur during daylight hours.
If You Are Approached
There is no easy way to avoid being sexually assaulted. Depending on where you are or who you are with, your options will be different. Your prime objective is always to get out of the offender’s control.
Stay calm and think. Figure out what your options are and how safe it is to resist. One of the main questions to answer is - does he have a weapon. Ask yourself - Is it safe to resist?
In some situations, assertive behaviour may prevent the assault. Many offenders look for women they can overpower to build their sense of power and control. If a self-assured, confident image is presented using a firm voice and direct eye contact, the offender may be dissuaded from the assault. In other situations, your best protection may be either to run, or scream to draw attention. The adrenaline created through your fear may give you the strength to run faster or scream louder than you normally would expect.
Because of the often violent and unpredictable nature of a sexual assault, following all the suggested techniques does not guarantee the prevention of the assault. It is important to remember that assaults are neither provoked not deserved. You are not to blame if you are unable to stop an attack.
If You Are Assaulted
• Get to a safe place, preferably with other people.
• Get medical help. Call a friend, family member or police and have them accompany you to be checked out for physical injuries, pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases. Do not shower or douche. Do not eat, drink anything or smoke. Save the clothes you were wearing (keep them in the same state e.g. do not wash them ). You are not required to take an AIDS test right after you are assaulted, and it is advisable to wait to be tested after your examination.
• Emergency medical assistance is available at the Sexual Assault Service, Vancouver General Hospital. A team of female physicians from a sexual assault roster provide on-call examinations, medicolegal assessment and crises intervention on a 24 hour basis. Call 875-2183.
• Call Campus Security (if the assault took place on Campus) or RCMP Emergency 911 to report the assault.
• Call the WAVAW 24 hour crises line for support and information at 255-6344.
• Call the Harassment Resolution Office at 291-3015 for support or to trigger internal procedures to deal with the incident.
• Call the Women’s Centre, Health Services, Counselling or Employment and Family Assistance Program (faculty and staff) for support and/or counselling.
• Tell someone you trust so that you are not alone. Call a friend and/or one of the resources listed in this guide even if you do not want to press charges.
• Believe in yourself. What happened to you was wrong. No matter what you were doing or wearing, or where you were when the assault took place, you are not to blame.
• Give yourself time to heal. Recovery from sexual assault is different for everyone. Consider counselling. Sometimes talking can be the most important step to healing.
If Someone You Know is Sexually Assaulted
About 40 % of victims tell no one about their assault. If a friend has been sexually assaulted and turns to you for support, the most important thing you can do is listen. Don’t worry about what to say. Your friend trusts you, that is what is important. During the assault, all sense of power and control were taken away from them. Support them in reclaiming control.
• Believe them. They need you to legitimize their pain and experience.
• Tell them it was not their fault. No matter where they were, what they were wearing, or how much they had to drink, no one deserves or asks to be sexually assaulted. They are not responsible for someone else’s criminal behaviour.
• Refer them to one of the resources in this guide to help them figure out their options. They do not have to press charges to get help or to receive confidential service.
• If the attack has recently occurred, attend to their immediate medical needs. Caution them not to take a shower or douche if they have not yet done so. Remind them to save the clothes that they were wearing.
• Get help yourself. You may need to talk to someone about your feelings. The resources listed in this guide are available for you too.
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