- Get Help
- Help for students
- Help for faculty and staff
- Make a report
- Relationship Violence
- Resources for respondents
- Self care
- Translated SVSPO Brochures
- Frequently Asked Questions
- Phone and Video Guidelines
- Supporting Survivors
- Education & Prevention
- Request a Workshop
- Active Bystander Network
- Consent Matters
- Sexual Assault Awareness Month
- Safe(r) Party Initiative
- Active Bystander Intervention
- December 6
- ACTIVE BYSTANDER
- Yes, No, Maybe So: The Inner Workings of Consent
- Yes/No/Maybe Checklist
- Cyberconsent and How to Practice Consent Online
- Curious About Consent?
- The importance of pronouns
- Sexting: tips on staying safe(r)
- A Conversation on Cyberconsent
- Are Tea and Consent Simple?
- Consent Is Not Cancelled
- How We Can Contribute to Consent Culture Every Day
- Yes Means Yassss: Improving Consent Education Among Queer Men
- Isn’t that kind of…unsexy?
- My Ode to You
- Back to School 101: 5 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me About Consent
- Sexual Violence in Intimate Relationships
- CULTURE, SUPPORT, AND CARE
- Content Notes: From Either/Or to Both/And
- The STEM Gender Gap in Focus
- Moving Past COVID
- Top 6 podcasts you should listen to
- Guide to BIPOC Support Services
- Why are Women in STEM Still Unsafe? Commemorating L'École Polytechnique Massacre With Action
- Boundary-Setting In The Age Of COVID
- Tips for survivors who might find wearing a mask challenging: Tips and tricks during COVID-19
- Plain Language Resource Sheets for Survivors & Respondents
- Your First SFU Policy Summary: GP 44 Policy in Plain Language
- Do You Even Cry, Bro? - Canadian healthy masculinity programs
- From “boys will be boys” to “boys can be…”: Some thoughts on masculinity
- Supporting Someone By Listening
- Women Deliver Mobilization: A World and Relationships with Gender-Based Violence
- Self-care Tips for Survivors
- Transformative Justice and Community Accountability: Changing behavior and justice
- What does gender equality look like in 2019?
- Working Towards a Culture of Care and Support Within Your Community
- Dear SFU faculty: It's on all of us to respond to sexual violence
- Understanding Sexual Violence: A Graduate Student's Perspective
- SFU Athletics Listen Believe Empower Campaign
- HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS
- SAFE(R) PARTYING
- Your Bias Becomes Everyone's Problem
- Education Plan 2020/2021
- About Us
- Contact Us
- Leave Site Now
How to Call Someone In
“Calling in is not a guarantee that everyone will joyfully work together. It is simply the extension of grace, the opportunity to grow and to share learning and responsibility for each other.” --Dr. Loretta Ross
Calling out has become a common way of holding individuals accountable for harmful actions, such as sexist or racist comments. This kind of direct and usually public intervention can be a powerful way of reinforcing what's acceptable and what's not. However, calling someone out may not always be the most effective way to get them to change their behaviour. Sometimes a personal conversation about the negative impacts their words or actions may be preferrable. By calling someone in, you're modeling empathy and respect and helping the person expand their awareness and sensitivity.
When to call someone in
- When the person is potentially unaware of the negative impacts of their words or actions
- When you’re invested in your relationship with them and don’t want to publicly shame them
- When you care about them enough to help them understand why their behaviour is harmful or problematic
How to call someone in
Check in with yourself first. Calling someone in is emotional labour. Do you have the emotional capacity to engage in this process? Is there someone else who could help?
Determine the best method of communication and the best timing for this intervention.
Accept that the conversation may be uncomfortable for both people involved.
Prepare by jotting down some points or practicing aloud what you might say.
Start from a place of empathy and curiosity, instead of judgment and blame.
Identify the specific words or actions and explain why they were hurtful or oppressive. Separate the actions from the person.
Use open-ended questions to invite the person to explore the meaning and impact of their behaviour. For some examples, check out this resource.
Give the person space and time to process your feedback.
- Offer to continue the conversation and/or to provide additional resources if they want to learm more.
- Practice self-care and seek support if you need it.
How to learn more
These are some of our favourite resources about calling in: